My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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