i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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