I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
