i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
