so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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