I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
