i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize