I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His hands were made for my vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
