I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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