Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
