Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
