I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize