This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
