Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You may now shotgun with the bride
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
