I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm always down for nudity.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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