giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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