I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
COCAINE IS GR8
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
