Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
