the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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