i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
