you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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