i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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