you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
