she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
