Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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