god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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