My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize