and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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