as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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