I want to have your abortion
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
