If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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