the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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