I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
