I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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