the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
