At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
