I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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