a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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