And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
