I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
