meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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