she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Randomize
