I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize