Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Found your dick twin last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
