THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
