is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
