She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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