I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
