my phone needs a breathalizer
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A bitchslap is in order.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
