I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize