Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
