Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"

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(514): View more from Quebec

i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.

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(224): View more from Illinois

That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture

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(239): View more from Florida

Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.

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