My friends, they love my intelligence
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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