After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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