You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
