reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
