That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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