please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize