"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
