so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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