you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
