After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
