Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
