im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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