508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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